By Leah Caldwell | Family & Children | November 2024

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Co-parenting vs parallel parenting

Some couples that separate or go through a divorce, may find that they can maintain an amicable relationship with their former partner. However, others may find it difficult. For parents, it's important to try to maintain some form of communication for the sake of the children, but when the situation is high-conflict or even volatile, being able to do this can feel near impossible without third-party intervention. In this case, parallel parenting may be a positive strategy for parents to consider putting in practice. In this blog, we explain what co-parenting and parallel parenting are, their advantages, and how to decide between the two.

Co-parenting

The approach

Co-parenting involves a collaborative approach where both parents work together to make decisions about their child’s upbringing. This can include matters to do with education, healthcare, and social activities. Both parents have an active role in their child’s life and are committed to maintaining a positive relationship for the benefit of their child. It may be helpful for parents to have a parenting plan, which both parents have agreed on, as this can provide clarity, avoid confusion and signal a joint intent to work together collaboratively.

Benefits of co-parenting

The benefits of co-parenting include:

• A decrease in conflict for your children
• An increase in stability and consistency through the use of shared schedules and routines
• Better communication between parents
• A minimal risk of the child taking on more adult responsibilities or acting as a peacemaker in response to parent disputes

Parallel parenting

The approach

Parallel parenting involves both parents disengaging from each other and minimising their communication as much as possible. Each parent adopts their individual parenting style and makes decisions independently of the other parent. This approach may be more suitable for high-conflict situations where co-parenting is not feasible, due to trust, communication, and cooperation issues. Parallel parenting allows both parents to remain involved in their children’s lives while reducing the conflict between them.

Benefits of parallel parenting

The benefits of parallel parenting include:

• Reducing stress for the parents and children
• Reducing the amount of conflict between parents
• Limiting your child’s exposure to parental conflict
• Allowing your child to foster a relationship with both parents despite conflict with one another
• Giving both parents more time and space to heal from their separation

How to make parallel parenting work

Once you have decided on parallel parenting, there are a few things you can do to get the most out of it.

Avoid unnecessary conversations

You may see or hear about things your ex does that you don’t agree with, but it’s better not to start conversations with them. While co-parenting is based on frequent communication, parallel parenting works better when the two parties minimise the contact they have with each other.

Use convenient tools to minimise communication

Using a shared calendar or co-parenting app may reduce the need to update your former parent about any parenting time, or social activities your child has coming up.

Let go of wanting to know what is going on when your child isn’t with you

This is perhaps the hardest thing to do in a parallel parenting situation. Initially, it may be difficult, but eventually, you will be able to let your child live their life with their other parent, instead of worrying about it in your free time.

Deciding between co-parenting and parallel parenting

When trying to decide which approach to take, you should also consider the child’s best interests. They will ultimately benefit from both parents having a positive relationship, but if this isn’t feasible for you or your ex-partner, it’s completely understandable to choose parallel parenting, so you can both remain in their lives.

Remember, co-parenting and parallel parenting are not mutually exclusive approaches, they can be combined, if this is best for your situation.

Contact our family mediation team

At Mediation First, our expert family mediators will help you through the process of co-parenting or parallel parenting, through child mediation services.

For tailored guidance and to explore mediation options, contact us today.

Tel: 0330 320 7600
Email: office@mediationfirst.co.uk.