By Leah Caldwell | Family & Children | My 2023

---

What questions does a mediator ask a child?

Navigating family disputes and divorces can be challenging, and it's essential to prioritise the wellbeing of children involved. To navigate these often tricky circumstances, families may opt to use family mediation services.

In this blog, we offer a brief introduction to child-inclusive mediation, where mediators engage directly with children to ensure their voices are heard.

We'll explore common examples of the types of questions mediators may ask a child, and how these conversations can play a role in the mediation process.

What is child mediation?

Child mediation is a process that helps parents or caregivers who are experiencing conflict over issues related to their children. It's an alternative way of resolving disputes that is voluntary and involves a trained mediator who facilitates communication and helps both parties reach a solution that is in the best interest of the child.

The process of child mediation can address various concerns such as the time a child spends with their parents, financial support, and co-parenting responsibilities. It's a confidential process that offers a neutral and safe environment for both parties to express their views and concerns.

The role of a mediator in child custody disputes

In child related disputes, a mediator aims to help parents find common ground and reach an agreement that serves the best interests of their children. As a neutral third party, a mediator listens to both sides and assists the parents in discussing their concerns, expectations, and preferences regarding arrangements.

In some cases, with the agreement of both parents and considering the child's age and maturity, the mediator may also speak with the child to better understand their needs, preferences, and feelings. This information can help the parents make more informed decisions about the arrangements.

It's important to note that amediator's focus is on helping the parents or caregivers reach a mutually agreeable solution that is in the best interest of the child. The mediator will use their professional judgement to decide if and how to involve the child in the process, always with the child's wellbeing as the top priority.

Are children asked questions during mediation?

Whether the children are actively included in the mediation process or not is completely at the parents’ discretion. The mediator will only involve the children if both parents or caregivers agree, and it is deemed to be in the best interest of the child. Where appropriate, mediators will make parents enquiring about mediation aware of the option to include the children in the family mediation process.

When children are involved in the mediation process, the mediator will take appropriate steps to ensure that the process is conducted in a child-friendly manner. The mediator will use age-appropriate language and techniques to help the child understand the process and feel comfortable expressing their views.

The mediator may ask questions to the child, but will do so within the context of an informal conversation. The mediator will also take into account the child's age, maturity, and developmental stage when deciding how to involve them in the mediation process.

What is the purpose of asking a child questions?

Asking a child questions in mediation can serve several important purposes:

Give the child a voice

Including children in the mediation process gives them a voice. Children could potentially feel left out or ignored in mediation when the focus is solely on the parents' needs. And even where the parent’s intention is to put their child’s needs first, this could be based on assumptions and not fully consider the child’s view. By including the child in the process and asking questions, they can express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns about the situation in their own words - ensuring their voice is heard and taken into consideration.

Gather information

It’s within the mediator’s interests to gather a full picture of the situation. By asking the children questions in the mediation process, they can help provide valuable information about their family dynamics, relationships, and preferences. This can help the mediator understand the context of parental decision-making and, most importantly, help clients to develop options for resolving conflicts that best suit the children’s needs.

Gather information

It’s within the mediator’s interests to gather a full picture of the situation. By asking the children questions in the mediation process, they can help provide valuable information about their family dynamics, relationships, and preferences. This can help the mediator understand the context of parental decision-making and, most importantly, help clients to develop options for resolving conflicts that best suit the children’s needs.

Help the child understand the process

Family disputes are stressful for everyone, including the children. Whilst often an unfamiliar process, mediation is designed to help relieve conflicts by helping different parties understand how they can move forward. Because of this, it can be beneficial for children to be involved and engage in conversation with the mediator. This can help the children understand the process, and gives them the opportunity to understand how the potential outcomes consider their thoughts, feelings and expectations.

Help the parents understand the child's perspective

Parents may not always be aware of how their behaviour and decisions are affecting their children. Asking a child questions can help the parents gain a better understanding of their child's perspective and needs, which can lead to more effective and empathetic co-parenting. This understanding can also guide parents in developing a well-informed parenting plan tailored to their child's best interests.

Types of questions the mediator may ask a child (with examples)

The types of questions a mediator asks will vary greatly depending on the child's age, developmental level, and the issues involved in the dispute. However, some common types of questions a mediator may ask a child include open-ended questions, clarifying questions, future-oriented questions, hypothetical questions, and empathetic questions.

• Open-ended questions allow the child to express their thoughts and feelings in their own words, while clarifying questions help the mediator understand the child's perspective. An example of an open-ended question a mediator might ask could be. For example: "Can you help me understand what you meant when you said you feel more comfortable at one parent's house?”


• Future-oriented questions help the child think about how they want things to be in the future, while hypothetical questions allow them to explore different options and consequences. For example: “Are there any changes you would like to see in the current arrangements?"


• Empathetic questions are used to show the child that the mediator understands and cares about their feelings. For example: "It sounds like you have a strong connection with both of your parents. Can you share more about the moments or experiences that have made you feel supported and loved by each of them?".


• Hypothetical questions can also be used to help the child think about how they may want their routine and arrangements to look like. For example: "Imagine if you could create your ideal schedule for spending time with each parent. What would that look like, and why do you think that arrangement would work best for you?"

These questions can change and vary a lot, as the mediator will ask different questions depending on the specific situation.

The mediator should be sensitive to the child's emotional state and use age-appropriate language and concepts when asking questions. Creating a safe and supportive environment is essential to encourage the child to share their thoughts and feelings.

Factors that can affect the type of questions asked

The types of questions a mediator asks a child in mediation can be influenced by various factors. These factors include:

The child's age and developmental level

Younger children may have limited vocabulary and cognitive abilities, and may require questions to be phrased in a simpler way, using age-appropriate language and concepts. Older children, on the other hand, may require more complex questions that challenge them to think critically and express themselves more clearly.

The specific issues involved in the dispute

The types of questions asked may also vary depending on the nature of the dispute. For example, questions in a case involving child arrangements may focus on the child's relationship with each parent and their preferences for living arrangements, while questions in a case where parents have recently separated may focus on the child's emotional state and how they are coping with the changes.

The child's cultural background

The child's cultural background may also affect the types of questions asked. A mediator may need to be aware of cultural norms and beliefs that could influence how the child responds to certain questions or topics.

The child's emotional state

The child's emotional state can also affect the types of questions asked. If a child is upset or anxious, the mediator may need to use more empathetic and supportive language and avoid asking questions that could trigger further emotional distress.

Considering these factors can help the mediator tailor their approach and the types of questions asked to best meet the needs of the child and the specific situation.

Benefits of involving a child in mediation

Mediation can be a highly effective method for resolving family law disputes, including those related to child custody. Involving a child in the mediation process can further improve the effectiveness of the process and the satisfaction of all parties involved.

Promotes a child-focused approach

Mediation is centred on the best interests of the child, and involving a child in the process reinforces this focus. By actively seeking the child's input, mediators and parents can work together to create a custody arrangement that meets the child's specific needs.

Reduces conflict

Involving a child in the mediation process can help to reduce the level of conflict between parents. By having a mediator facilitate the conversation and ensuring that the child's needs are at the centre of the discussion, parents are more likely to be open to finding a resolution that works for everyone.

Provides closure

When a child is involved in the mediation process, they are able to better understand the decisions that are being made about their future. This can lead to a greater sense of closure and peace of mind for both the child and the parents, as everyone is able to move forward with a clear understanding of the arrangements.

Respecting the parents’ authority

While mediators aim to create a safe and supportive environment for children during mediation, it's important to also respect the authority of the parents or guardians. This means that the mediator should not undermine the parents' role in making decisions for their child, or override their decisions.

Mediators can show respect for parental authority by involving the parents in the mediation process, and seeking their input and agreement on any decisions or agreements made with the child. The mediator can also encourage the child to express their thoughts and feelings to their parents, and work with the parents to find a solution that is in the child's best interests.

However, there may be situations where the parents' decisions are not in the child's best interests, such as in cases of abuse or neglect. In such cases, the mediator may need to take steps to ensure the child's safety, which may mean involving child protection services or other authorities.

Child mediation with Mediation First

Understanding the questions a mediator may ask a child can offer some insight into the process and hopefully make you feel more calm. Mediators focus on open communication, empathy, and the child's best interests, helping parents navigate this challenge while reducing stress and conflict.

If you're struggling with child arrangements or family-related matters, consider child mediation with Mediation First.

Mediation First's team specialises in family mediation, assisting in reaching agreements on child arrangements , parenting plans, finance, and property, avoiding costly litigation.

Discover our child and family mediation services, or speak to us directly for support in achieving a resolution that prioritises your children’s well-being.